We've written previously about NPs' wild COVID bioweapon conspiracy theories, but a Sarasota, Florida family nurse practitioner by the name of Shelly Buckley has really cranked the dial up to 11 (19?) and taken things to the next level. Bioweapon? Manufactured virus? Big Pharma? QAnon? Look no further, because Florida NP Shelly has got you covered and is ready to give the venerable Florida Man a run for his money. We would expect nothing less from a midlevel in Florida, after all.

Uhh...wow. Where do we even begin to unpack this steaming-hot train-wreck of a rant? Check it out, Shelly's been preaching since day one that COVID-19 is a bioweapon! Perhaps it would have served her patients better if she preached about the benefits of the COVID-19 vaccine instead? Oh wait, it's clear that she doesn't believe in it; after all, people who receive the vaccine are "dying of blood clots in the lungs, stroke, or heart attack!" Hey Shelly, you know what else increases the risk of those things, at a far, far greater rate? COVID-fucking-19.

And how in holy hell can it be true that a single healthcare provider has lost not one patient to coronavirus, yet lost more than 50 patients "due to the vaccine"? It doesn't take a statistician to conclude that such a claim is exceedingly improbable. There are only two possibilities here: either Shelly is full of hot and humid Florida air, or she's about to become front-page news on tomorrow's edition of the Washington Post and the subject of a large-scale investigation by the CDC, FDA, and several other three-letter agencies.

Moving on - why in the world is Shelly "start[ing] people on anticoagulation to prevent blood clots"? Certainly, there's no indication to prophylactically anticoagulate patients after they receive a COVID-19 vaccine, and the current American Society of Hematology guidelines don't recommend anticoagulation for post-COVID patients either in the absence of any other indications. That being said, there's probably not much overlap between the set of people who read and follow medical guidelines and the set of people who obtain their daily news briefing from a QAnon group.

Having recognized that she's been labeled a conspiracy theorist, at least NP Shelly's self-awareness appears to be more advanced than her reading comprehension level. Shelly's next point of contention is with Pfizer and its experimental COVID-19 protease inhibitor drug PF-07321332, which is currently undergoing clinical trials.

"Well guess what ladies and gentlemen, Pfizer is now suggesting a twice a day med FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" "And now you need a vaccine, anticoagulation therapy, and a pill twice daily...all made by the same drug company" - uhhh, what? Time for a fact check.

Fact check: Pfizer is testing a drug to treat COVID-19 infections. It’s not tied to vaccinations
Pfizer is working on a drug to treat non-hospitalized adults with COVID-19, but the pill is unrelated to vaccinations.

After reminding us of her unwavering concern for her patients' wellness and the oath she took to "do no harm", Shelly concludes her rant with a link to a chat group seemingly hosted by none other than key QAnon figure and sexual predator, Philip Godlewski.

Ruh roh!

Clearly, this group is a reliable purveyor of unbiased, objective facts and news. That gosh-darned, no-good Fauci! It's sad, really. Do these people have any appreciation for the good doctor's credentials, experience, and staggering list of accomplishments and publications? Compared to a person like Dr. Fauci, NP Shelly's "degree" from the University of Southern Indiana is good for little more than mopping the floors of the NIH with at night.

BMP Healthcare - NPI Registry

On a closing note, can someone please let Shelly know that it's pretty tacky to list an RV trailer park as the mailing address of your healthcare business?